When Promotions Become a Source of Conflict!

Congratulations banner 27feb17 In most organizations, for those employees who excel at their jobs – (i.e. they are great litigators, great classroom teachers, excellent researchers or practitioners) the standard career progression stream is to move up the hierarchy into management. However the ‘reward’ too frequently sets the star employee up to fail.
The skills and aptitudes required to succeed as a ‘practitioner’ in the courtroom, the classroom, the operating room or the laboratory are rarely the same skills that make for a good manager or a good administrator. Nor are these skills taught as part of the education programs for scientists, lawyers, doctors, mechanics or other professionals and trades. And comprehensive management development programs are becoming increasingly rare.

Employees have high expectations of their managers, and lack of management knowledge, skills and ability to create a healthy and productive work environment. When a manager is not able to achieve this, the manager can expect conflict with the employees.

As a mediator specializing in organizational / workplace conflicts, many of the cases I have worked with in the past 20+ years involve conflicts between employees and managers. Management style and lack of skill in managing people are common issues that arise in discussions with staff. Frequently, the manager themselves will identify that they are struggling and uncomfortable in the role of manager. As one senior manager said “I miss my previous job – I was excellent at it and people respected me. Here I feel totally unprepared and out of my league and I’m starting to hate coming to work. And my employees are just as unhappy”.

Is this a new phenomenon?

One of the common problems facing many new managers is that as budgets becoming increasingly tight, management development programs, training, mentoring and professional development are often some of the first areas to be cut. This can leave new managers essentially to fend for themselves with minimal training in how to supervise people effectively, resolve conflict, engage cooperation and manage the wide variety of administrative tasks they now face daily.

Cutting training and professional development can seem to be a logical choice. In the short term, people seem able to manage, and longer term implications haven’t kicked in yet. However, the lack of ongoing solid investment in professional development and skill building in the management cohort can have serious implications in the medium and long-term. As frustration on the part of employees mounts, the level of distraction increases as employees spend increasing amounts of time focusing on what is not working, the negative impact of poor management, productivity decreases, absenteeism and turnover rates increase, and the risk of harassment, human rights and Bill 168 (Ontario Workplace Violence legislation) complaints increases. Grievances will also increase in unionized environments. And the tangible and intangible costs to you as an employer risk increasing significantly.

Take, for example, an escalating conflict between the manager and an employee who is alleging that the manager has failed to address issues of workplace bullying or inter-employee conflict. In Canada, as an employer you have a legal obligation to provide a workplace free of harassment and discrimination… yet you may have managers and staff who are putting that legal requirement in jeopardy – not because they have any level of malicious intent, but rather because they are unaware of how to manage the situation effectively and in many cases oblivious to the impact their actions and choices are having on their staff.

However, oblivious or malicious, if the behaviour constitutes bullying, harassment or discrimination, or is creating conflict with staff, it has to be addressed. It is critical to be cautious with deciding there is malicious intent. As human beings we are quick to decide that someone is just nasty and malicious because of the severity of the impact we have experienced… but impact alone is not enough. Determining intent needs to be done carefully and objectively. We assess and coach managers and staff whose behaviour is inappropriate – and for the vast majority when they become aware of the impact of their choices on others they are shocked as it is not congruent with how they have viewed their actions or themselves. At that point the potential for change is excellent if the manager is provided with solid coaching, training and mentoring to learn more constructive ways of exercising their managerial authority.

It is also critical that employees receive training as well. They need to know what behaviour is acceptable (and expected). They also benefit from skill development, training, and the availability of different recourse options they can use when needed. Many inter-staff conflicts are created by the situations in which employees find themselves – tight deadlines, heavy workloads, limited resources ($$, equipment and people). When staff members have the training to recognize the warning indicators and the skills to be able to resolve the issues before they escalate into full-blown conflicts the resolution of the situation is typically fast and effective. Conflicts that staff members are unable to resolve can be addressed quickly and effectively through the recourse options (mediation, management intervention, coaching etc) available to them when the employer has a well-designed conflict management process in place. This ensures that the manager is only required to get involved in the more serious issues and the level of noise and distraction caused by conflict in the workplace is minimized.

Training and professional development is an investment in creating a skilled work force. As employers we want loyalty from our employees. It’s a two-way street… employees give loyalty when they feel that their employer and managers care about them and are willing to invest in their professional development and happiness at work.

The Conflict Resolution Workout:

Think of a situation that escalated unnecessarily into a major conflict:
1. What were the key decision points where each of the players could have made a different choice that would have changed the outcome? Please focus equally on ALL players (including you if you had a role) not just on the individual(s) you believe caused the problem.
2. What skills were people lacking that might have helped in this situation?
3. What training would be helpful to give people more skills to avoid similar escalation in the future?
4. What influence do you have to help create a healthier approach to building skills in Executives? Managers? Employees? Union representatives? HR?
5. How can you build a business case to initiate changes?

Ruth Sirman is a mediator and organizational conflict consultant who has been helping organizations turn toxic workplaces into healthier working environments since 1996. She is an internationally recognized speaker, trainer and mediator / consultant who has helped hundreds of workplaces and thousands of people regain the joy in going to work! For more information – www.canmediate.com

“I worked in a workplace that spiraled out of control. Ruth works tirelessly to get results. She gained everybody’s trust and gave us the tools to be successful. It’s unbelievable the difference in the workplace. People now love to come to work. I’ve been with this company 35 years and I’ve never seen anybody do what Ruth has empowered people to do.” A Miller, BCWS

What Is Your ‘Burning Question’?

A colleague challenged me to think about  “What is your burning question?” Initially my response was – I don’t have one… and then I realized that I do. And I realized that I have sat with this question now for several years… and I have not come up with any answers.

My burning question is: “How do we build capacity within our organizational systems to value “others” in the global system to the same degree we value ourselves – our own opinions and those of our close network?” And I mean how can we value ALL others – every human being on the planet irrespective of where they live, what religion or nationality they are, what they do, what they believe, what they have (or don’t have…).

We are facing a major global crisis of overwhelming proportions and we need to find a way to leverage our human capacity for understanding and resolving this before we implode into a global war… I’m a people and systems ‘watcher’ and I have come to notice a number of things over the past couple of decades.

  • As human beings we tend to believe that we ‘know’ better than others how to do things, fix things, resolve things etc… Consequently we tend to believe we have the answers and somehow our solutions are superior to the way others would do something – particularly if the ‘others’ are from a country whose development is not at the same stage as ours… or their approach to managing situations is not a good fit with how I / we would do things.
  • As white North Americans we spend a lot of time talking down to others… and expecting them to be grateful that we are willing to tell them how to solve their problems…
  • There is a significant lack of empathy for others that particularly seems to be missing when we consider people who are different from us. And if that empathy is missing, how do we help people develop the empathy, respect and basic human decency that will help us believes that none of us are successful until all of us are successful? I don’t mean to suggest that success equals everyone in the world having the same number of televisions or a job that pays the same irrespective of where we live. But I do mean that people have what they need to live comfortable, secure lives – food, housing, education, healthcare, meaningful occupations, security and resources that will allow every human being to live without the fear that permeates much of our world today.
  • The status quo favours maintaining the inequities in the world today – it will take a serious investment of political and personal will plus effort, resources and understanding to make any level of sustainable change happen…
  • That as human beings we tend not to be willing to make those changes until something catches our attention and it gets personal…
  • If I don’t value your insights, experience, perspective and opinions then it is easier for me to dismiss your value in the overall scheme of things. Taken to the extreme I may even consciously or unconsciously decide that your life is not as valuable as mine…
  • For example – As members of ‘Western’ culture and ‘developed’ countries – if the AIDS crisis had hit Europe or North America rather than Africa – would our involvement in helping / supporting / addressing the situation be different? I am guessing that it would be seen as a major crisis with all of the resources we have being channeled into dealing with the crisis and the fallout…
  • If the Ebola crisis did not have the potential to threaten our existence would we find it easier to go about our daily lives because it’s a far away faceless tragedy…?
  • When we provide foreign aid to another country who decides what THEY need? Is it them? Or is it us? How can I know what you need better than you? – Particularly if there is minimal consultation….
  • What is the impact on individuals, groups and countries when they feel minimized or devalued? How is that influencing some of the negative dynamics in our world these days – things like radicalization, terrorism, pervasive, deep rooted conflicts and wars?

Most of us really don’t want to have to own our personal and national contribution to some of the major issues we are facing on a global level. However we ignore our contributing role at our peril. If we truly believe that the system owns everything that happens within it, then it follows that if we are part of the system, then we own what is happening… which taken to the next step means we also have an obligation to work to resolve it. If we don’t like what is happening in our system it is up to us as members of the system to work together to fix it. And since they are also members of the system, how will we work with the ‘others’ to create the change we need?

This may be a challenge as it also means that I need to accountable for the choices, actions, behaviours and beliefs that I bring to the system… And so do the others…

And I wonder – How well will I value your (or their) contribution if I fundamentally disagree with you on every level.. and if I find your approach intolerable?

There are more questions than answers in my mind these days…

The Conflict Resolution Workout!
1. Think of a situation which you struggle to comprehend… what is your burning question about it?
2. Take your ‘burning question’ from #1 and ask yourself ‘why’ is that an issue… Don’t let yourself off the hook!! (sometimes it’s easier to have someone else ask ‘why’?
3. Take your response to the Why? in #2 and ask yourself Why? to that answer…
4. Keep asking ‘Why?’ to each response you come up with until you cannot break it down any further…
5. Look at your deepest ‘why’ and reflect on what you have uncovered for yourself… what did you learn?

We rarely take the time to reflect on the fundamental questions that are resonating at our deepest core… and yet that is often where our best learning resides! Happy reflecting!!!

We Have a New Website!

Check Out the NEW Website!

We have completely rebuilt and rewritten the website to provide you with a clearer picture of the work that we do and how we do it. This site is for you – our clients and our potential clients (and people who just like cool water pictures!)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Nature provides us with powerful examples of interactions and challenges… and we believe that human situations are often mirrors of what happens in nature… So you will see our love of nature reflected throughout the site. But take a look and reflect on whether or not what is going on in your organization is similar to what you see on the water!

We are in the process of adding downloadable docs that will provide further detail on different topics – some are already here… others are on the way!

We would like this to be a resource site with solid content that will help you determine whether you can address the issues you have on your own or whether you may need support or on-site help.

If you ever have questions about your situation… you can call… we will be happy to provide you with a FREE (and no obligation) consult about what type of services may be the best fit for your situation…

Want to shop around? No problem – we’ll give you names of other experienced and well qualified groups to check out… If that sounds strange coming from a consulting group – it’s not unusual for us… We want you to get what you need, when you need it at a cost that is manageable and reasonable!

And one of our fundamental operating principles is that if at any point we have concerns about the approach you are proposing… we’ll tell you… and explain why it’s a concern and what we see as the potential for things to go wrong…

PS – all the amazing pictures of rivers, oceans, and activities on the water involve Ruth and her family… and have been taken in Canada and internationally on their adventures on the water! And we have more… check back occasionally and you may see different ones!

All the best – whatever is facing you and your team!
Ruth and the CanMediate team…

Never Push A Person To The Point Where They Have Nothing To Lose…

Conflict Resolution Tip #5 – There are times when conflict seems to escalate uncontrollably – creating stress, hurt and even in cases of some conflicts – danger for those involved. And the more things escalate the more those involved can feel justified by the choices they make and the actions they take.

However, the worst possible strategy for the more powerful party in any conflict is to push the ‘other’ to the point where they feel they have no control over the situation because at that point they have nothing left to lose… it seems there is no way out except to fight back (and they will)… At that point those in power have created a situation where they have chosen to put themselves in jeopardy and escalated the situation unnecessarily. And if we fail to recognize our role in the situation we are deluding ourselves… and that willful blindness is an unconscionable sin against everyone involved and affected…

It’s not easy – but it is critical that in this type of situation people in positions of power realize that the ‘other’ party may not be able to react according to what is considered normal or reasonable. That sense of being trapped and subjected to situations where the consequences are out of proportion to the infraction risks turning any human being into a reactionary who will fight for their survival.

Look at the resistance movement in WW2 and the level of commitment to ‘fighting back’ demonstrated by those who used any means possible to derail the German war machine. We are seeing similar resistance in many of our global conflicts these days – and we are seeing governments implementing strategies that are marketed as being necessary and justified but seem doomed to create more problems than they will solve. Part of this is that in many cases the powerful group(s) justify their attacks on the other through a victim mindset that looks only at the resistance without looking at the provocation for the resistance – and that ignores the power balance in the situation and denies the reality that the ‘other’ is facing – and that deflection and denial of the bigger picture is a recipe for disaster…

In a school yard if a larger, stronger individual attacks someone who is smaller / less able to fight back we call it bullying and condemn it as unreasonable, unjustified and just wrong. On a larger global scale when governments choose strategies that attack others when it is not a level playing field feels to me like bullying on a much larger scale… and I have the sense that it feeds that sense desperation that breeds more people who are willing to resist – through whatever means they have at hand. On a global level we need to hold those countries (including our own) to account when their choices and actions create more problems than they solve.

Albert Einstein once said “Never push a loyal person until they no longer care…” I would say, never push anyone (loyal or otherwise) to the point where they have nothing to lose. It is easy to reach a tipping point where further pressure on them will escalate their response to desperation levels. And desperate people have very little to lose and a lot to gain by continuing the resistance… and even escalating it.

Ensure that everyone sees that they have some control, dignity, input and hope… and the chances for a non-violent solution increase dramatically!!! Maybe it’s time to try a different strategy… Just sayin…

The Conflict Resolution Workout…

Think of some of the global situations that involve serious deep rooted conflicts…
What self-justifications do the group(s) in power use to justify their actions and choices?
How does that self-justification impede their ability to see how their actions and choices are actually escalating the conflict they say they want to resolve?
What will it take for both sides to step back from the stance they have taken?
What can you do to help?

Bullying and The Challenge of Stopping It…

By Ruth Sirman and Julie Lowry

There are many old proverbs / truisms / adages that talk about how we should interact with others. We are brought up to ‘treat others the way we want to be treated’, be kind and respectful and not bully others. The reality is that bullying, disrespect and nastiness are common – and they cost us individually and collectively.

And sometimes we say one thing and do the opposite. I wonder what message our kids get when we tell them they need to be respectful but they witness adults and public figures being negative, mean-spirited and nasty.
When we harass or attack others it is common to rationalize our actions to deal with the cognitive dissonance / discomfort created when we do something that is not congruent with our values, beliefs and stated expectations. We see many examples of this – when parents make nasty comments to their kids or teachers put a child down in front of the class or when colleagues say one thing to someone’s face but then are disrespectful behind their back. Evidence of this is everywhere and it points to a double standard that speaks to “Treat ME the way I want to be treated but I can treat you however I feel in the moment”. Other times we whitewash our nastiness by calling it something more ‘acceptable’ in an effort to disguise what it really is.

One of the most recent political examples is the incongruence between the Canadian government’s declaration of May 1st as the National Day to end Bullying which allows for increased public awareness and demonstrates our government’s commitment to the issue. On the other hand we have the Harper government’s current advertisement campaign that puts down new Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau. There is a dis-connect here – this seems to be a ‘do as I say but not as I do’ situation (at least as I see it). And the rationalization? Mr. Harper identifies the recent attack ads as ‘political debate’ which I am sure is much easier to justify than what comes across as intentional disrespectful spitefulness.

While Mr. Harper seems to have missed this message – so have many of us… We will end bullying and harassment when we truly believe that how you do anything is how you do everything and we learn to be hard on the problems we need to address and find ways to make our points without disparaging others.

The Conflict Resolution Workout!

Take a moment to consider:
When have you seen people say one thing and do the opposite?
What impact does it have on relationships? credibility? trust?
When have you done the same thing? (the opportunity to be objectively honest if you are willing? 🙂 )
How did you rationalize the choice(s) you made?
How might the results have been different if you had chosen to act more constructively?

Managing Stress Over the Holidays (video)

I was on an Ottawa Morning show, enjoy 🙂